Deathbed: The Bed That Eats (1977)

This is a gem, in the worst sense possible. If you were to get together with a group of friends, got very drunk, and wanted to watch something absolutely horrible that would make you all laugh, this might be on the list.

The premise of the movie is that a bed in an abandoned mansion is possessed by a demon spirit, and eats whatever or whoever it comes in contact with. The mansion is abandoned because the bed ate everyone in the house, and potentially everyone in the local area. Before you get your hopes up for hilarity, the bed cannot move on its own. It doesn't talk either. The only way that we the audience are able to understand what's going on with the bed it through the voice on the narrator, one of the bed's victims who did not completely die and is not trapped behind a drawing he made of the bed. The story takes off when three women come up to the house from the country to 'get away', and they come across this abandoned house, which is of course the logical place to spend the night. Slowly, the bed claims them one by one, but there is a problem with one of the girls, who, as the narrator tells us, remind the bed of its creation. Yes really. Eventually, the ghostly narrator tells the girl from behind the drawing, to create some ritual that will hopefully destroy the bed. Will anyone survive its evil comfort!?

This movie was so bad. First of all, the narrator has this very morose, almost bored British voice that clearly exists only to give the bed's 'thoughts' a voice. Throughout the movie, the narrator has a one-sided conversation with no one about what the bed is thinking, feeling, and doing. It crosses the line of ridiculous. The actors are all very bad. They don't get into character at all and are stiff and awkward, just saying lines rather than actually acting them.

The very worst of all is the bed though. It makes these awkward crunching and slurping noise when it's eating, or swallowing noises when it drinks. The way it eats people is to slowly have them sink down into the sheets, which apparently open up into some void, represented by this yellow foam. We then get to see whatever it's eaten in this liquidy, yellow limbo where they disintegrate in what we can only assume is a bed's equivalent to stomach acid. At the beginning of the movie (one of the worst parts) a young couple comes into the mansion to... have some fun, and the brought a picnic. While they're kissing, the bed sneakily takes their food and eats it... but then returns the left overs to the top of the bed. So an apple sinks into the bed, an apple core comes back up. A bucket of chicken sinks down, the bucket comes back up with chicken bones. But the bed seems to not be consistent, because it later eats things that are not even food and doesn't seem to mind.

I would not really recommend that you watch this alone. Not because it's a horror movie... but because if you don't have someone to laugh with, you will probably get bored about half way through. If that far.